A bloggy baby shower

I don't think it's too much to call Liz Gumbinner (Mom-101) my dear friend. She and I met at BlogHer last summer and immediately had about 1000 things to say to each other, and that list has gotten longer as time has gone on. This is no mere summer camp buddy...Liz is one of the most thoughtful, intelligent, funny women I've ever met.

SO! Liz! I'm so happy to be invited to your baby shower (thank you, Kristen, Julie, Nancy, and Catherine). You, Nate and Thalia are about to embark on another adventure together. A new miracle is arriving soon, and she will change everything. (What's her name again? Flavia? Nefertiti? Salome? Rex?)

BEST ADVICE I EVER GOT

Relax. Surrender. Everything will be okay. You're going to be wonderful parents -- again.

You've heard it before, but it will be easier this time, because your new daughter is joining a family with two parents, not two blissfully unaware married people.

When I look back on the learning curve from 0-1 child, and then from 1-2 children, it's MUCH flatter. You don't start from scratch when you have a second child -- you already know in your bones about constant interruption, questionable sleep, debilitating love, boobs-from-another-planet, crib sheets, diapers, infrequent romantic opportunity, moments of utter splendor, and all that. Your new baby will join your parenthood-in-progress -- sort of like how, in Little Miss Sunshine, the little girl had to jump onto the moving VW bus. The momentum is already there.

Yes, she will be completely different from Thalia. You will have to discern those differences (and I'd wager you've already gotten plenty of hints by how she's acting in the womb), but you already speak that non-verbal language. You're already bilingual -- you just need to learn a new dialect.

"BEST" ASSVICE I EVER GOT

You know -- I was lucky in the unsolicited parenting advice department. I don't recall getting much (perhaps I've blocked it out). So I'll just give you a general suggestion with respect to unwelcome input: Remember that you know your child best. No amount of well-meaning crap advice can touch you once you internalize that.

Sounds simple, but it's actually quite tricky, because while we know our children, we don't always trust ourselves. I've spent so much time feeling clueless as a parent, flailing around searching for answers, that I'd glom onto any advice that fell anywhere near the mark. It's only when I became willing to sit with the uncertainty, to quiet my search for the immediate answer and grow silent and observant, to listen for the small tremors rather than wait for the big KAPOW! insight, that I began to believe in my inner wisdom.

So much easier to ask a person or a book than to have to be patient and live with the struggle for a time, especially when inner wisdom takes you on a winding journey to the "right" answer. We like straight lines! We want fast answers! We want them now! And who wouldn't, when we're desperate for sleep and/or peace and/or relief? It's hard as hell to be patient with the process. But, sooner or later, answers come.

I'm so happy for you and yours, Liz. Happy happy. What a lucky little girl to get you as her mom. You are amazing.

To Christine and Tammie, who are also guests of honor at this shower: I don't know you, but does that really matter in this bloggy lovefest? I wish you both all the luck in the world.

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