Andrea Buchanan's Blog Book Tour stop: "It's a Boy"

Andrea Buchanan, author of Mother Shock, is the editor of two new anthologies of modern mama memoir, each focused on the issue of gender. It's A Boy! Women Writers on Raising Sons and It's a Girl! Women Writers on Raising Daughters collect essays from a wide array of writers, each discussing, from various angles, what it's like to raise a boy or a girl.

I'm reading a review copy of It's a Boy! right now, and, as expected, it's full from cover-to-cover with good writing. Andi has chosen a wonderful group of mothers to illuminate various facets of boy-parenting. Several of the authors could be considered regulars in the mama-writing community (Katie Alison Granju, Jennifer Lauck, Gayle Brandeis, Faulkner Fox, Jody Mace, and more).

I'll admit I was hoping to see more unfamiliar names, if only because there are so many strong mama voices out there. But then, I am a regular reader of the established venues for "mother literature" -- Brain, Child magazine, Hip Mama, Literary Mama, etc. -- so I'm inclined to recognize the contributors. For new mothers, or for women just discovering the burgeoning arena of motherhood literature, each of these authors offers her own gift with candor and generosity.

Several of the essays explore the "Oh my God, boys really ARE different than girls!" epiphany many of us feminists had when our little guys emerged from the womb obsessed with trucks and weapons. In her haunting essay "It Takes a Village," Jennifer Lauck describes her bewilderment at her son's fascination with violence and death play, and, in the process, raised several questions I've often asked myself. Can I protect my son from the lure of violence he seems to have been born with? How can I know if his play-fighting is good, old-fashioned boy fun or the harbinger of something more sinister and dangerous? Even in Jennifer's "perfect" neighborhood (which isn't far from mine), boys play with knives...how can she be sure her son is safe? How can I?

Susan Ito's heartbreaking and lovely rememberance "Samuel" tells us the story of the son she had to abort due to a near-fatal bout of toxemia. I found myself stifling a sob as I read it, both because I am more vulnerable to stories about loss since I became a mother, and because the smooth flow of her writing moved me so completely.

In "Things You Can't Teach," Katie Kaput gives us a fascinating look inside her experience as a transexual mother raising a boy who happens to have an affinity for "girly" things. Not so unusual, in the big picture, but, for Katie, it raises questions about the effects of his nature and her nurture.

Catherine Newman never fails to make me laugh with her particular blend of sharp humor and dead-on insight. I was a devotee of her Babycenter journal, Bringing Up Ben and Birdy , so I was happy to see her essay "Pretty Baby" in It's a Boy! She, too, addresses the muddled issue of her little boy's  'manliness' and why it doesn't matter.

I read Melanie Lynne Hauser's "Shapeshifter" with the keen attention and dread of someone having her fortune told. Melanie describes having a teenage son; I have a six year-old. Will I find out something exciting about my future? Do I really want to know?

It's a Boy! was such a delight to read, both for its intimacy and for its range. This will be the gift I give every friend pregnant with or raising a boy. Congratulations, Andi, on another fantastic contribution to motherhood literature.

Comments

[Tess]

Hi--I'm visiting sites on the blog book tour today. I enjoyed your review!

[reece]

i have been wanting to buy this book for a couple weeks, and stumbled on to your comments on the book. thank you! it makes me want to buy it for sure.
also, i have two boys; one is 13 and one is 4. Sweet wonderful people who never talk of guns, or violence or mean play. i hate that these sterotypes exist. both my boys love to read, draw, run, climb, cuddle and pretend. They are kids, they are loving and they have a sweet father which probably plays a huge role. So no, you don't have to "let" your boys play with knives or only play rough. You can however show them all life has to offer and pave the way for a happy life, and guide them to find freinds like them. We have a few very difficult boys in our school, and my boys do NOT play with them. Wise choices made my parents lead to wise choices my kids.

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